haunted
by knightlady
Summary: Gawain's sister finds her way to her him after a horrible tragedy. The knights take her in and treat her as family but she is haunted by guilt. Can one of them set her free or will the past come back to claim her?
1. prologue

Disclaimer: I'm sure you know that I don't own any of hte KIng Arthur related stuff, I wish I owned the knights, then I wouldn't have to write stories about them!

Rated R for violence, graphic themes, violence, sexuality, language, etc...

This is just a little prologue type chapter to set the scene

The moon hangs ominous over head in a starless dark as a village lies in turmoil. A savage group of warriors has attacked the small defenseless village and plans to leave no survivors. Screams echo throughout the village as people run in terror desperately trying to escape. Fire spreads quickly through the village of small huts destroying everything and everyone in its path. Horrifying screams intensify from inside the fiery huts.

A girl runs furiously through the streets desperately calling out for her family. She stops dead in her tracks as she reachers her home, screaming in horror. The small hut is ablaze and the girl can hear the awful screams of agony coming form her mother and sisters trapped inside. She is frozen with guilt as she screams out and bursts into tears. One of the attckers spots her as a survivor and heads straight for her to kill her. She sees him and fearlessly runs towards him attacking him with all her young might, kicking and hitting as tears stream down her face. Suddenly, it all goes black as the attacker hits her bluntly inthe head with the butt of a knife and she falls to the ground.

I wake up in darkness as always with the heat of my burning home still on may face and the shrieks of my dying family still ringing in my ears. I get up as usual unable to escape the dream that haunts me very night, as it has for years. Even the solace of my new family is not enough comfort. I rise without disturbing anyone to practice with my weapons. It is useless to wake my brother or any of my friends as no one can help me escape the horrors of my past.

So, I know it is very short, but I promise Ch. 2 is coming soon and it will detail how the knights come to be involved, who the main character is, etc...Please review with any suggestions!

FYI: I can't think of agood name for the main character so any help is welcome!


	2. promises

Ok, this Chapter introduces young Gawain and give the backstory to the prologue. I hope all Gawian fans approve!

Dazzler 420: Thank you very much for the names and reviewing! I hope you enjoy this longer chpater, 3 will be up soon!

As I walk through the hallway filled with the quarters of the knights, my brothers, it all comes flooding back...

The first thing I remember after the fire was waking up to the sun piercing my eyes from above. I found myself on a thin cot in a hidden clearing in the woods. I quickly remembered the previous night but wished it to be some terrible nightmare that I had dreamt while accidentally falling asleep in the woods as I had on many occasions. I reached up to where I remembered being hit and felt, to my utter disappointment, a gash from my hairline to my left eyebrow, a scar which I would bear for the rest of my life reminding me that it had not been a nightmare; I had killed my family and above all failed my beloved brother. Feeling the cut brought back the final moments...the blinding, unforgiving fire... The horrible screams...sounds that would haunt my slumber for many years after, never letting me forget my mistake. A tear rolled down my cheek as I was overcome with grief and anger at myself. It was my job to protect them; I had promised.

My father had been one in a long line of Sarmatian knights bound to the Roman Empire. Like many, this bind cost him much of his life. He died soon after the last of my siblings were born; most ofmy siblingsand I never knew him that well as he seemed withdrawn afterseeing the terrible sights of battle.My mother was left at a young age with 3 boys and 2 girls. My two eldest brothers, Kyan and Eran,were twins and were taken to their duty by the Roman army soon after my father died when I was around7 and by third brother Gawain was 10. We managed to keep hope that they would someday return though we heard nothing of them for 2 years. It seemed my mothers last good spirits were ripped away when news finally came from areturning soldier; our brothers had died in battle soon after they were taken away from home. They were too young and inexperienced to survive the hardened life of a soldier and had met thefate of many knights before them.My mother retreated into depression only muttering about how the Romans had taken everything from us and how our family was cursed. I was only9 at the time but took the loss of my brothers hard, crying for days while Gawain did his best to comfort me holding me in his arms and telling me that he would not let anything else happen to our family. Our youngest sister,Wilona, was only 3 then, not truly understanding the chaos and tragedy in her life. From the time of my brothers' deaths forward, Gawain took on the immense duty of taking care of the entire family at the young age of 12. He did every chore he could and even found the time to maintain his jolly demeanor and do his best to keep our spirits high and hopeful one again. When I finally stopped grieving for the twins, I did my best to help him with what I could and enjoyed our time together, even just doing chores. Though Gawain was doing his best to keep our spirits up, I could tell that something weighed on his mind as time passed. He began to spend his spare time alone in the woods. Though I did not know it at the time Gawain had realized that soon the Romans would come for him and he had taken to the woods in order to train in weapons and fighting so that he would not meet the fate of our brothers. He was determined to stay alive and return to us as soon as possible and ensure the survival of our family, a duty he held above all others.

I found out of my brothers training one day when he came to me as I was washing clothes in a nearby river next to the woods where he went each day. Secretly, I hoped each day I saw him enter the woods that he might invite me along as I had always admired and loved my brother deeply. We had a connection deeper than the rest of our siblings being so close in age and having endured so much together in our short years. He lead me through the woods taking my hand gently, "Bri (short for Brigid),when I'm gone it will be up to you take care of our family." He began to speak seriously.

"Yes, I have known and feared this since we lost the twins." I lowered my eyes and spoke softly. " I only wish that you could stay; I do not know if I can live without you." Gawain pulled me to him and embraced me in a strong hug before my tears could hit the ground.

"I promise that I will return. Our family will suffer no more loss; you have my word." Gawain spokedeeply looking me straight in the eyes.At that moment, I saw my brother in a new light; he was no longer mysilly playmate, he wasbecoming a true knight withthe nobility of times past."Now you must dry those tears and make me a promise; you must keep our family going until the day I return. Can you do that for me?" He spoke more softly than before, simply my brother again, wiping the tears off of my cheeks.

" I stepped forward, tears gone, face stern," I do not know what strength I have or what good I can do, but I promise you, brother, that I will not let harm come to our family while you are away." He smiled softly, hugging me once more.

"You are more grown up than I thought," he released me and led me a few more steps, and as we reached the clearing a bright smile spread across my newly eager face. Gawain had brought me to the clearing that he had made into his training grounds. I could hardly contain my excitement at the fact that I was finally being invited to train to be a knight! I had watched my brothers train with my father when he was alive and able and had always secretly envied them even as young child. The weapons, the horses, the hand to hand combat, it all gave me an unusual thrill. I tried to hide my excitement from Gawain as we approached the targets and weapons he had made.

"I always new you wished to join in the fight; you were always tailing after the twins and father watching their every move," I grinned uncomfortably, "Don't think I haven't noticed you by the river when I leave." I know blushed and looked down in shame as it was not proper for a girl to show such interest in fighting. "Don't have so much shame, sister; I am delighted to finally have a sparring partner. I can't wait to see what a great fighter you will be." I looked up, beaming, letting my excitement show.

"I can't wait either; I'm sure your lack of competition has let your head get too big and I'm just the one to deflate it." I was quite quick-witted for my age, mostly from hearing Gawain all those years.

"Ah, it seems your ego needs to be deflated as well," he gave me gentle pat on the shoulder, "though this will be fun for the both of us you must also take it seriously. I am going to do my best to teach you basic defense so that you can properly defend Ma and little Wilona if you need to. We will have to spend every spare minute training; I fear that my time to leave is approaching." Gown's voice trailed off as he finished his sentence.

"So let's get started," I sad picking up a wooden sword and tossing one to Gawain, doing my best to lighten the mood. I would cherish every moment we spent together and try to forget that every day might be the last I got to spend with him.

Time went by too fast. After nearly a year, Gawain and I had both become skilled fighters in weapons and hand to hand combat, at least as skilled as we could be fighting against only each other and hand made targets. Though I was much smaller than Gawain, I still managed to knock him to the ground on occasion. My true skill lie in the smaller knives used for throwing. I hit the target more accurately and precisely than Gawain and it steamed him a bit, but he was unbeatable with a sword or spear. We were equals at the bow though my skill improved as my hands got bigger. We loved every minute of training; it allowed us to escape the hardships of our life and the foreboding feeling that our time together was running thin.

We could not escape forever; early one morning I awoke and went outside to fetch water and heard the hoof beats of the approaching soldiers. I found Gawain already preparing his horse. "We're you planning on leaving without saying good bye?" I said upset.

"I did not wish to wake you to such bad news but I am glad that you are here to see me off," he took me in his arms, hugging me so tightly I wished he would never let go. When he finally did, the tears that had been gathering in my eyes burst free.

"Why must they take you from us?" I pleaded desperately.

He took me in his strong arms again and spoke softly inot my ear,"Do not waste your tears for their sake; I will keepmy promise and you must do the same. Our family's fate is up to you now." He briskly kissed me on the forehead and mounted his horse as the Romans approached. I dried my tears as he joined the soldiers and began his long journey.

I ran as fast as I could to reach him and screamed, "I promise!" He looked back and I saw the mischievous smile on his young face for the last time before we were both grown.

Ch 3 will be up soon with how Brigid came to Gawain and the knights


	3. The Neverending Nightmare

I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update. I got kind of overwhelmed with going back to school and stuff. Thank you so much for the reviews (OrliGolas4eva: love the name! Your review really made me get moving to get ch. 3 up, thank you!)

After Gawain left, things did not improve nor get worse; our family had reached a standstill in all its tragedy and we simply lived. My mother kept her station in a chair by the fire looking at nothing, asleep but awake. Occasionally she would mutter that Gawain would never return and that he was dead already but I refused to listen or let little Wilona hear her; Gawain's promise got me through the day and kept me going until the next one. I looked over the hill everyday hoping to see his smile once again though I knew that I wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon, if at all. I walked around like a zombie, alive but without feeling. I did the chores and took care of Wilona just as I had promised Gawain; but nothing made me happy or even sad; I hung on Gawain's promise and mine in return. I would only be brought back to life by his safe return.

The only thing that somewhat enlivened me was my training. I spent every free moment retreating deep into the woods to our old training grounds. Training was my only outlet for all the emotions that I kept sealed off under my cold face; thoughts and feelings that might have killed me or made me like my mother. When I grasped my bow or threw my knives, none of it mattered. For a few hours I was truly shut off from all of it as I wished to be. Over the years, I spent more and more time in the woods as Wilona grew to be more self sufficient and able to help with the daily chores. I started to shut myself from even her as it became harder to remember my brother's warm smile and mischievous ways; he was the only one that could make me laugh after all the tragedy in our lives. I had become an expert knife thrower and archer, practicing for hours on end with Gawain's old bow and hand made targets; it was as close to being with my brother as I could get. I couldn't bring my self to practice much with the sword as that was what Gawain and I did together. I became a recluse, not talking to anyone in our village and rushing through my chores in order to spend as much time in the woods as possible. I was always covered in dirt, my hands permanently stained and my hair matted with leaves. I wore Gawain's old boots and clothes more often than my own dresses; even as they became tattered I refused to take them off. I even slept in the woods many nights, preferring the comfort I found there to my own home; it was always our sanctuary. It was my own selfishness that caused me to break my promise with Gawain.

On that terrible night, almost three years after Gawain had left, I had stayed late in the woods once again blocking out everything until it was too late. When the screams and heat finally reached me in the woods our village was already beyond help. Flames sprung up from every hut and the air was thick from the acrid smoke and ash and the sickening smell of burning flesh. I knew even before I reached my home that I had filed my family and above all my brother. In one single moment of selfishness I had destroyed our family's legacy and honor. All I could think of as I approached the hut was Gawain's disappointment and anger; he would never forgive me. Seeing the fire and hearing Wilona's helpless voice only confirmed what I had already known. Unflinching, I walked towards the fire; I did not deserve to live for my failure but only to join in the torture I had caused my family. As I walked into the flames I spotted the attacker and threw away all my reason and submitted to rage. Though I had already broken my promise, I would try to what I still could; I would die fighting against those that killed my family. I would fight not for myself, but for Gawain. I threw a knife from my boot into the leg of the bulky man walking away from me. He turned and muttered something like, "foolish girl! You could have gotten away but now you will join the others." I ran straight into him with only a small dagger to fight with. I kicked and punched and slashed as hard as I could inflicting little damage at my young age and small stature. Within seconds he had struck me bluntly on the head with his weapon. The blood gushed over my eyes and I fought on making one final slash on his cheek as I gave over to my lightheadedness and sunk to the ground, closing my eyes, leading the brut to believe that I was dead. How I wish he was right. The last thing I saw before I submitted to dark oblivion was his heinous smile turning away from me, cruel eyes boring into me.

I awoke three days later with light piercing my eyes through the thick, tall trees overhead. I lay awake for a moment hesitant to rise; I thought I had fallen asleep once again in the clearing and that I had to return home to my chores, something I always dreaded. I shook off the bad dream from the night before as I began to stir.

"Ah, you are finally awake, my dear. We feared you may never open you eyes." I recognized the voice as a woman from my village as I quickly rose, falling out of my false hopes immediately. As kind as her voice was, it was like a death sentence. Or I wish it had been. I was flooded with the horrors of the night before and my head throbbed in pain.

"I wish I hadn't," I muttered, not intending her to hear, as I took the water and pushed away the food she offered. I thirsted intensely, but could not bear to eat.

"You should be grateful," the woman scolded me, "someone pulled you out just in time, you are lucky…"

"To be alive?" I interrupted. "How is that? My whole family is dead; all I had left is gone. Tell me what I have to be grateful for? I'd be grateful to have burned with them!" My outburst turned the heads of many survivors nearby; the somber looks in their eyes told me that they felt the same; I was just the only willing to speak it. The woman shook her head as I quickly walked away.

"You are alive for a purpose whether you believe it or not. You must only discover why you have been left." I heard her speak softly as I left the clearing that the small group of survivors had made camp in.

'The only purpose my life holds is to punish me,' was I all I could think in return as Gawain's words to me lay heavily on my mind. I walked around for hours in a daze of stoic guilt, not even paying attention to where I was going. Near dark, I found myself on the edge of our charred village, remains still smoking, an acrid smell permeating the air. I walked as if one condemned to where our hut had been, forcing myself to relive the terrible event. I stood on the same ground I had that night and the hut was ablaze again, heat stinging my face. Tears streamed down my face as I reached up to my forehead, feeling the deep cut above my eyebrow, an unnecessary reminder that I would carry for the rest of my life. I fell to my knees, mind racing with questions I would never have the answers to. I screamed out to whatever power would hear me: "why has my family suffered? Why was I still alive?" At some point, I must have fallen asleep. I awoke in the dark hours of the morning, covered in ashes, but with some new grave purpose.

I put it upon myself to find my brother and tell him of my broken promise. I must face his disappointment in order to complete my self-imposed punishment. The other survivors grieved while I replaced my sadness with coldness and self-loathing. I would shed no more tears; I hadn't the right. I rose from my family's ashes taking the dagger I had dropped on that horrible night. I took one more look at what was left before running back to the camp.

Quickly and quietly, I gathered what little food and water I could find. I stole a cloak to cover my ashen and charred clothing and set out on my way as the sun started to show itself over a distant hill beyond the forest. I knew Gawain was to be sent to the isle of Briton, somewhere near Hadrian's wall. I was determined to find him or die trying. As my brothers had at my age, I set out into the unknown, alone but not worried for I cared nothing for my life. I traveled the wild of Sarmatia for months before seeing another person, scavenging what I could to survive, becoming a hardened wanderer. When I did reach a village, I only stopped only long enough to beg scraps of food and steal a horse in the dead of night. I spent over a year traveling west across vast lands, becoming so rugged and weary that I was no longer even recognized as a girl in Gawain's old clothes and the worn cloak I wore over my face. I passed through the Roman territory unnoticed, just another wanderer. I spoke to no one and kept to the forests and outskirts, avoiding human contact. I finally reached the last outpost on the shore, where I would make my final descent to Briton. I had never seen the ocean and the spray on my face brought me more life than I had felt since Gawain had left; nevertheless I was heavy with the thought of seeing him again. I was joyful at the thought of being with him again but my guilt overwhelmed any thoughts of a happy reunion. I had broken his promise and I deserved no forgiveness.

I stowed away on a ship of Roman soldiers headed for the isle and managed to remain unseen in a storage area with plenty of food and water to keep me through the journey. I reached the isle nearly two years after starting my long journey. Briton's harsh winter worked against me as I made my final stretch towards my brother. I followed the trail of some soldiers headed for the wall, but lost sight of them in the heavy rains. In my final days, I was famished and dehydrated, walking aimlessly towards my fate. I had developed a sickness in my chest from the rain soaking through my meager coverings. My final trek was through Woad territory, but they did not bother to attack the pathetic drifter they saw trudging through the mud. I looked as if I would not survive another day of biting cold and downpour. One late night, I saw the great wall before me and I pulled myself on fueled by my guilt. My steps were slow and weary; I nearly collapsed with each one. The outpost appeared next to the wall and I continued on through the bitter cold. I coughed and my body rattled with pain, each step closer to death. I reached the gate, unable to pull my exhausted body any further. I fell to the ground with no chance of getting up. As my heavy eyelids finally gave in, the last thing I heard was the gallop of a horse and a distant voice in the dark.

That chapter may not have been the best; I had to get through all of that background stuff on how Brigid gets to the knights, so Ch. 4 will introduce them all and have Brigid reveal what has happened to her family to Gawain. Then we can get to all the fun knight stuff! I was wondering if you guys think I should make up some more knights since this is taking place before the movie or if you would prefer that I stick with the core group. Let me know; I'm writing this for those who are reading it. The love part will come up in the next few chapters too; I'm not quite sure who the knight is yet. ( I have a pretty good idea, but its so hard to choose!) Please review if you read and keep me inspired; I'm open to any suggestions or help so let me know what you wanna read and I'll write it!

PS Ch.4 will come a lot sooner than CH.3 did; I promise!


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